Deer Season is upon us

I helped a friend set up a ground blind and tree stand for the deer hunting season this year. The typical season for me is as follows. September; I'm all excited as I drop my fifty bucks on my permit and stamps. October; something happens that takes up all of my time and attention (usually work) and I miss the early pre-rut and tell myself I'll be there for some November rut action. November; The yard is a disaster and every weekend is spent raking tons of leaves from our Oak ad Maple trees plus cleaning out the garage for the winter. December; shotgun season is upon me and I'm hoping to get out at least twice. The snow falls in torrents and I never seem to find the time between snow blowing, both kids being home and just plain old crappy weather.
January; I start promising myself I'll make the time the following season and really get out there.

This has been my hunting season for the last three years and this year is shaping up to be pretty much the same way... <>.

Stress

Stress, in one simple word, sucks! As I round the corner toward 50 I've begun having thoughts of retirement, 401k's, Social Security and all that other stuff I never gave a second though tto when I was in my twenties or thirties. Now as I approach my fifties it's all I can think about and stress about. I had a shock to my system and a depressing epiphany; I'm middle-aged bordring on old. My coworkers are all younger than me due to the nature of my job as a consultant. Our neighbors are all at least a decade younger than my wife and I which is somewhat depressing.

SO here I am startin down the face of my mortality not really ever expecting thi smoment to occur. But like a silent assassin, time found a way to sneak up, even on me, and bite me in the compacent behind. So, I anxiously awiat to hear about a Government Service job taht wil guarantee me employment, a retirement plan, and health insurnace once I retire... which, in twenty or so years I will be able to do. The downside... a paycut and some ectra aggrivation and responsibilities. Can I absorb the lost income? probably, will money be tight in teh short run> Definitely, but the benefits far outweigh the costs at this point.

I'm tired of waking up at 3:34 EVERY morning wondering if I'll have a job at the end of the next contracting cycle or I'll be forced to become a government employee on less than favorable terms. I anxiously endure the final negotiations process and hope I can raise my base pay a few extra thousand to help me through. There are worse problems to have in this shrinking economy such as NOT having an opportunity or NOT having a job at all. Still I stress and fret wanting the best deal for me so I can continue to support my family and keep the bill collectors from my door.

I should get the final offer from THE government either late tomorrow or early Friday. Thank God for opportunities whether they aren't exactly what I want. Hopefully I'll sleep well this weekend knowing I'll be GS 13 Chief of financial Operations. Time will tell.

Letting go of the past

God has a funny way of teaching me things. I’m a hard nut to crack sometimes but HE does manage to get through when I need it most. I’ve been obsessing about the past recently, who I WAS, what I WAS doing, who I WAS with. Time has a funny way of recoloring ones memory of things; we remember only the good and none of the bad. Looking back, sometimes is a good thing, carrying old baggage from the past isn’t. The past is just that; the past. We can’t change it and we can’t relive it now. It’s over, past tense and history. I’ve been obsessing over the past lately and it’s been getting me down. I can’t correct the mistakes I made or apologize to everyone I may have treated poorly several years ago or decades ago. I can’t wonder about “What might have been and if it would be better than my present life.”

I need to look at my life now and the relationships that I have now and accept them. I’ve been guilty of wanting to relive the past thinking that it would be better than my present. The truth is, I was a different person in the past and I didn’t like who or what I was pretending to be. I like the man I am now and I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I was twenty-five years ago. I have a great family and a wife that loves me (Why she loves me God only knows). Is my “Present” perfect? Hell no, I have problems and issues just like everybody else, but I’m also a hell of a lot better off than a lot of people and I should focus more on what I have and where I am rather than what I could have had or could have been. Looking back, for me, at this point in my life is unproductive. I wish those people in my past well and apologize publicly to those I’ve hurt and freely forgive those that have hurt me.

I need to focus on today, what’s now and what will be rather than wonder “What if.” God has blessed me with a decent job and a potential career path, good health, and some modicum of talent in writing. I love to write novels and columns, I love to communicate through the written word; these are the things I should be pursuing as well as my current relationships; the past is the past and best left there.
-End of speech and on with my life.